I have an unni (언니), older sister. Growing up, she was the cool girl that I looked up to. I listened to the music she listened to. I loved Seotaiji because she did. We obsessed over Seotaiji together for years.
(image from IMDB)
I discovered Jpop and Utada Hikaru because she was into it. She was the cool DJ on her Winamp Internet radio show. I listened to whatever she put on her computer speaker in the small apartment we shared as college students.
After I left Korea as a 20-something, I finally started developing my own taste in music. I started loving old school jazz. John Coltrane and Bill Evans. Michel Petrucciani and Ahmad Jamal. My 2025 Spotify age was 82. Unni went down a completely different route. She enjoyed the newest Kpop music. Le Sserafim and New Jeans. And her most consistent bias in the past decade, BTS. Her 2025 Spotify age? 20.
Life has not been the easiest for her. She runs her own business that comes with million risks and uncertainties. She raised her baby into a rebelling teenager graduating high school soon. She is the main caretaker of said teenager, her dad, and her grandparents all living in a tight condo together. Listening to her talk, I sometimes worry that she has nothing fun to look forward to. When I go back to Korea to visit, I pull her out of her home and ask her to stay with me. It doesn’t matter if it’s a nice hotel or a dingy room with just two beds. This is my way of gifting her a few days to be herself. Not someone’s mother, wife, or daughter-in-law. Well, she has to be my unni, but I don’t think she minds that occasional role too much.
Over the years, she often talked about how Bangtan (방탄소년단, a.k.a. BTS) inspired her to keep going. Their lyrics comforted her. When her life closed in around her, BTS kept her sane. I could see it in her eyes when she talked about them. They let her breathe. They gave her joy. I was grateful. Every time they put out new music, she sent me links to their music videos, little YouTube shows, and their albums. Her boys were back. Give it a listen for her sake. It was cute. I’d listen to it for a bit. If it was upbeat (like Dynamite), I added it to my running playlist. But I never ‘got into’ it like I did before. I was 82-years old on Spotify after all.
(image from Bighit Music)
When BTS came back this year after their long, inevitable military service hiatus, I was happy for my sister. And then they announced their world tour including many cities in the States. I knew unni gave up on the idea of going to a live show. It seemed impossible to win the internet ticketing war. Resell tickets were illegal in Korea. And, she had too many responsibilities to prioritize over making a BTS live happen.
Her birthday came around. I was writing her, my favorite summer girl, a card. I was due to be back in Seoul this fall. I tried to sound cheerful about the upcoming visit. But it felt too far. Her birthday was now. Dangling something that was still months away didn’t feel right. I knew what was going to make her happy now. Her ‘boys’ were back and they were touring. Nothing would make her happier than being able to see them live.
Then I remembered. Back in 2008, unni got me a ticket to see Seotaiji live for the first time. I was visiting her and her new baby in Seoul. I was in grad school at the time, not entirely broke, but pretty close. She knew it was a rare overlap, my being in Korea and Seotaiji doing a tour. Unni couldn’t go because of the new born, but she got me in. That was my only time seeing Seotaiji live. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was. Maybe this is how I could pay her back.
I did a quick search. BTS had upcoming shows in LA. I could get tickets on reseller sites. There was a cheap direct flight from Incheon to LA. I could fly her out. I texted my brother-in-law.
“Can you spare her for a few days? You give her a vacation. I’ll give her this concert. “
As soon as he said yes, I put things in motion. I grabbed the tickets first. Then I booked the flight in her name. This was happening. Then I pulled the birthday card back out of the envelop and added. Let’s be happy now, not later. I love you.
A week before the concert, I put the Arirang World Tour set list on repeat. I had no hope of learning all the lyrics, but at least I wanted to learn the songs. Surely, I was a clueless Muggle about to be surrounded by BTS Army, including my sister. I grew to love the melodies, lyrics, the beats over the course of that week. When I first listened to the sampling of Arirang in their song months back, I thought it was tacky. But now I was hummed along, anticipating the ‘I need the whole stadium to jump’ part that followed.
We finally met in LA. The California sun was merciless on my wimpy Pacific Northwest skin. But everything was purple-tinted and unni was excited. That’s what mattered. We went to an In-N-Out near LAX to watch the planes fly overhead. We walked around the Venice Beach and Santa Monica Pier aimlessly. So much energy in the ocean. The pacific ocean touched both shores. Donghae of Korea, where we both grew up on. And the west coast of the States, where I now lived. Watching that ocean lapping on the sand, changing its color from turquoise to gold to gray was calming. We live thousands of miles apart, but we share this ocean. This is the water that closes the gap between us.
First day of September, we joined the wave of excited ARMY at SoFi stadium. I did not know what to expect. After reading on Reddit that we had to get there many hours before the show to buy merch (we needed the light sticks!) and get in line, we got there around noon just to be safe. We wore the matching purple t-shirt unni got us from Seoul. It said Korea Army in the back. This shirt was indeed made for that branch of Korean military, but it was purple, it said Army, so it became our BTS concert uniform.
I was worried that we were there either too early or too late, it was neither. Even though the concert wasn’t scheduled to begin for another 8-hours, the stadium grounds were in full festival mode. Many fans were already there, fully dressed up in their special concert outfits themed around Arirang (the album), Korean culture, the signature colors, and the songs in the new album. We busied ourselves reading the witty signs and t-shirts.
Everyone was smiling and cheering at each other. People came up to us and shared free gifts, often containing keychains, candies, and confettis even though we had nothing to give in return. We sat under a tree shade and watched this happy hubbub, sucking on our freebie See’s candy lollipops. After hours of sitting under the tree, standing in lines, and chatting with other fans, we eventually settled in our seats at the stadium.
And finally, the show…the show. At first, I was just happy to see my sister taking in the whole atmosphere. I was busy taking photos and videos of her singing along, waving her ARMY bomb. She was fully absorbed in the moment to bother with recording herself. It was my job to produce some proof that she was indeed here! And then, the beautiful voices and fantastic performances, filled with the boiling energy of all 7 members took my breath away, too. By the time they were singing the last song, Into the Sun, I too wanted to follow these 7 boys, walk into the sun and beyond surrounded by the golden lights of ARMY bombs beautifully dotting the whole stadium. I wanted that golden light to last forever.
So here I am, again, filling my playlists with the music that my sister poured into me. From Seotaiji to now Bangtan, her impeccable taste still connecting us, influencing the beats I match my steps to.
I’m hopeful that my Spotify age would be a little closer to my actual age this year.
Leave a comment